Classification Essay

                I think about the last time that I had to make that decision; how long did it take?   A decision made even harder since I was at a place that you have never been.  I take that first sip and feel the frosty adult beverage of choice slide down the back of my throat; I grin and let out the familiar “Ahhhh” of approval.  This had to have been one of the hardest decisions that I have made in a very long time with what seemed liked hours spent staring at the menu, tap levers and bottles lined neatly up and displayed on the bar wall.  The choices seem endless when I think back on it; regular, light or a dark micro-brewed.  To some, the choice is relatively simple because they know what they want and like.  However, I was stuck in a rut of ordering the same old beverage and not daring to go out on the edge, roll the dice and live a little in my selection. I have unselfishly researched and sampled many different beverages of the adult type in my years in the Marines; all to help get a better understanding of the options available.  The samples were painstakingly sampled in many different states and even countries as far away as Spain, Japan and Aruba, only to name a few.  Even though many of your opinions and particular tastes may vary, this is what I have found that I like for beer.

                I originally did not like the taste of beer when I started to “experiment” with alcohol in high school.  The taste just seemed to turn my stomach and leave the most unpleasant aftertaste in the back of my throat.  Besides, it seemed like it took a million and one of those urine colored drinks with bubbles to allow me to reach my goal; to get as messed up as I could, on the least amount of cash.  I started to drink the light beers after I discovered Natural Light.  Yup, it tasted like skunk piss smelled but for around what I could scrape up in change, I was able to get a case.  That case, if cold could be chugged, shot gunned and forced down my throat at any given party.  This was my period of unrefined taste.  Not only does light beer taste completely watered down or tend to have no taste, it also causes me to wake up the next morning with the feeling that a bear had taken a number two in my mouth the evening before.  In short; light beer either has no taste or tastes like crap, it leaves a horrible aftertaste and leaves you with a headache the next morning.  This tends to hold true of all the light beer that I have sampled throughout the world.  My thoughts are that the lighter the beer is, the nastier.  What self respecting man cares how many calories their beer has anyway?

                A small step up from light beer is well, regular beer.  We all are probably the most familiar with this category.  What teenager did not snag a Budweiser from their old mans refrigerator in the garage?  I have found that this particular category does actually have some decent samples though.  One of the best that I have tasted was discovered on my honeymoon in Aruba.  Balashi is a regular beer that has won numerous gold medals in worldwide beer competitions.  It is made from desalinated sea water and holds a similar taste of Heineken (decent in itself) but, without the aftertaste in the back of your throat.  Regular beer can be dry (like most Japanese beers) or hold the standard of most of the beers that can be purchased at any gas station here in the good old United States.  I feel that this category has been overdone and over carbonated; leaving the consumer with gas and an unfortunate trip to the porcelain throne in the early hours with an aggravating hangover.  Sadly, this is the category that most people find to be the best.  This type of beer is a little more expensive than the light but, also has a slight advantage in taste.

                Now the third category of beers is by far my favorite category.  From the many tastes that can be enjoyed in our local brewery here in Bangor, Maine to a warm and inviting Guinness in Shannon, Ireland after a long tour in Iraq; micro-brewed, dark beers are by far the best out there.  The options are really limitless and my only boundaries end up being my own taste preferences for the night.  There are Micro-Brews, Lagers and stouts; all separate categories within a category itself.  All tastes of their own and unique to the locations they are brewed.  Dark beers have a certain taste that will hit you when you take that first sip.  It is a taste that says “I am not like any other brew!”  To me, this type of beer shows to the world the fact that you are in yourself, bold; you are dignified and have unique tastes.  There is even a set of rules for some micro-brews as to how they should be served. These beverages cannot even be considered a beer since they are in a class of their own.  I find that I will pay more for such a beverage but, I will gain the world in taste and satisfaction.  No headaches, hangovers, gas or nights spend hugging the throne with a micro-brewed dark beer.  

                When the day is done and you scoot up to the bar, it is really up to you on what you will ask the barkeep to pour.  Will it be the same old mundane beer that you have been drinking since snagging it from your parents as a teen or will you live out on the edge.  Remember my cautions when you stop at the local 7-Eleven on your way home and  consider a six back of suds; will it be the same old skunk brew or perhaps be something new?  Light beers leave me unsatisfied in the end, regular beers are OK but don’t hold a candle to the Micro-Brew.